Make It Matter: Authorship, Mentorship, and the Architecture of a Life

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Who possesses the narrative of your life?

This question first struck me while reading The Changemaker Mindset by Ilja Grzeskowitz—a book rooted in the belief that external change begins with internal transformation. Whether your goal is to lead a self-determined life, position your company for the future, or thrive within a team, everything starts from within.

That message invited me into a deeper reflection on what truly matters, and became a catalyst for reshaping how I approach both leadership and mentorship. It ultimately led me to step away from leading design at a national design firm and to establish regenr8 studio—a place where I can focus on harmony, curiosity, and wellbeing. A studio driven by one simple philosophy: make it smart, make it beautiful, and above all, make it matter. To give back more than I take.

Leadership, I’ve come to believe, begins with inner clarity. And mentorship is about helping others author their own stories. These are the principles that have guided my choices and shaped the way I support the growth of others.

From that clarity, a deeper question continues to resonate: Are you the architect, the author, and the protagonist, all rolled into one? Or have external expectations—cultural norms, industry standards, family values—quietly taken up the pen and started writing your story for you? The courage required to answer this honestly can be daunting. Often, we unconsciously adapt to certain perspectives simply because they’ve been repeated often enough to feel true.

In both life and architecture, repetition can be reassuring—but also dangerous. A detail repeated without re-examination can become a flaw. A belief repeated without questioning can become a limitation.

So, the question becomes: Are you designing your own life—or just renovating someone else’s blueprint?

Mentorship: Mirror, Not Mold

This is where mentorship comes in. True mentorship isn’t about shaping someone in your image. It’s about offering space, reflection, and challenge. It’s about holding up a mirror, not a mold. As a mentor, I’ve come to believe that my job isn’t to hand over a ready-made narrative. It’s to help someone ask better questions of their own. Questions like:

• What do you believe is truly possible?

• Are your definitions of success your own, or someone else’s?

• What are your non-negotiable core principles?

• Who are the people who help you flourish?

• What kind of impact do you want to leave?

• What is your purpose in life?

Mentorship should help someone step into authorship of their own story—not ghostwrite it for them.

One of the most rewarding examples of this came from a young architect I worked with who aspired to become a senior design leader—someone at the forefront of projects and client engagement. But they felt stuck. Despite the desire to grow, they struggled to gain traction, and the lack of progress was wearing them down.

When they reached out for mentorship, my first advice was to pause the chase for titles or roles and instead begin with a deeper question: why? We worked through the questions in this blog together, uncovering their values, personal story, and the experiences that shaped them. We discovered what truly mattered to them—themes of connection, community, and joy.

Today, that same architect leads community engagement efforts at a national design firm. They’re guiding dialogues that bring vibrancy to neighborhoods and alignment to diverse voices. They’re fulfilled, grounded in purpose, and thriving in ways they hadn’t initially envisioned. That’s the power of authorship—and of mentoring with intention.

 

The Quiet Influences We Inherit

From our earliest education to the culture of the studios we enter, we absorb unspoken standards that quietly shape how we think and act:

• What risks are acceptable and which ambitions are “unrealistic?”

• Which values are celebrated, and which ones are quietly dismissed?

• What ethical lines are clearly drawn—and which one’s blur under pressure?

• How much conformity is expected, and how much originality is truly encouraged?

• Are you more driven by fitting in—or standing out?

Without self-reflection, we can end up aligning our values to those of the loudest voices around us, rather than our own internal compass. And over time, we may wonder why our professional life feels misaligned with our personal one

That misalignment is a clue: it means the story you’re living might not be the one you would have chosen if you had full authorship.

Leadership Begins with Self-Knowledge

Personal development isn’t separate from leadership—it’s the foundation of it. In architecture especially, where we are called to shape environments that inspire lives, leading with intention matters deeply.

The best leaders I know exhibit five essential qualities:

I think of them this way.  

I-CROP: cultivating a healthy mindset.

Intention | Curiosity | Respect | Optimism | Purpose

Dynamic and flexible, the I-CROP model illustrates the interconnected phases of growth and nurture—water, seed, harvest, sun, and soil—converging to create flourishing without being a rigid checklist.

• Intention: [water]

  Lead with clarity. Every action, design and conversation should align with a deeper purpose. Intension transforms activity into impact.

• Curiosity: [seed]

 Stay open and Inquisitive. Ask bold questions, explore new perspectives, and nurture a mindset that’s always learning. Curiosity is the seed of innovation.

• Respect: [harvest]

Honor people, places and perspectives. Respect creates the trust necessary for collaboration and meaningful relationships

• Optimism: [sunlight]

Believe in better. Optimism fuels resilience and helps teams and communities’ image what’s possible with confidence- even in the face of a challenge.

• Purpose: [soil]

Know your “why.” Purpose anchors your journey and provides meaning beyond metrics. It’s what makes the work matter.

These are not soft skills. They are cornerstones of meaningful practice. Without them, leadership risks becoming performative. With them, it becomes transformational.

Architecture as Narrative

As architects, we are trained to shape environments with care and purpose, and we must also learn to shape our inner lives with the same intentionality. The more clearly you can see your own story, the better you can support others in shaping theirs.

Whether mentoring a young designer or guiding a client through a project, your own self-authorship becomes a quiet, guiding force. You’re not just offering design expertise. You’re offering clarity, confidence, and courage—because you’ve practiced it yourself.

So, Who Holds the Pen?

The good news is the pen is already in your hand. The better question is: what truly matters to you? Take the time to discover what helps you flourish and what holds genuine meaning. Not for someone else—but for you. That’s not a detour from your path—it is the path. Because only by evolving as a person can you grow as a mentor, a leader, and a designer.

And that growth always begins with authorship: your story, your way. This is what truly matters to me.

A note of gratitude to one of my mentees, whose quiet wisdom shaped this piece. After reading an early draft, they offered a gentle nudge: “Add a success story.” That suggestion became a turning point—reminding me that critique, offered with care, is a form of collaboration. And that the best mentorship is rarely one-directional. It’s a shared journey of insight, trust, and courage. This story found its way into the blog because someone dared to speak—and I chose to listen.